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The queen of everything.
Am I more than you bargained for yet? I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear cause that's just who I am this week. Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum, I'm just a notch in your bedpost but you're just a line in a song .
DROP A HEART BREAK A NAME
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[1. 17. 06 // @ 6 : 22 am] |
How strange that I forgot I had this.. I havent updated in ages. Much less a decent update.
Anyway things are crazy right now, I've beens single for a week and right now. It hasnt been that bad. Theres this one guy I like, but he just wants to be friends right now. And then theres this girl I like, but she has a boyfriend, so I guess that wouldnt work out. Right now, anyway. I guesss I could just take this time to be alone, figure out some shit like I PLANNED in the first place, and eventually see how things go.
This is something he said;
xMex: did you see my blog?
xhimx: mhm >.>
xhimx: yeahs i wanted to say something about that, but got too distracted to put words down..well, back when i asked to just be friends for awhile and all that- i meant for a long time you could say, like anytime from 5 months to a year..im trying to take a break from relationships for that long and all, so yeahs though ..dont give up on other people just for me cause i dont want you to be like waiting that long if you like someone else
sooo... *Shrugs*
Man, I could use some starbucks this morning. And maybe a jalapeno kolache. Mmm. <3
On a better note, I got DDR last weekend and im getting better at it. :D
It makes me happy and helps me clear my mind.
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[11. 5. 05 // @ 12 : 19 am] |
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(November 3rd) You're a pro at getting to know people. Today's challenge is to delve into your own personality with the same curiosity. Your reward: more confidence and strength.
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[10. 10. 05 // @ 1 : 04 pm] |
oh god, im so stupid. I dont know what to do.
Everythings messed up. I cant even think straigh, much.
What am I doing?
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[10. 8. 05 // @ 8 : 51 am] |
Well, it cant possibly be that bad.
After awhile, things can only get better, right?
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[10. 8. 05 // @ 12 : 02 am] |
I'm reading too much into everything.
I have to stop being so.. much, like.. well, myself.
Oh god.
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[10. 7. 05 // @ 12 : 49 pm] |
After lunch Nie and talked about the upcoming homecoming dance. The theme is a moulin rogue, for those of you who have seen the movie you get the idea. Her and Jon are gonna dress up and surely be the most slinkster-cool couple of them all with Nie's imagination, only money can beat her. I've been thinking of buying myself something and I thought it would be spiff if Josh and I did some sort of couple slightly matching thing ourselves. I wont tell you what I'm doing, but I was thinking about a Rob Zombie sorta theme for him that would go with whatever I myself pick out. I decided I would leave myself vunerable to disapointment today, but didnt know how to bring up the topic in an actual conversation with him being himself, only those that know him will understand.
He does this certain thing. If anyone, I suppose, asks him if he wants to do something certain day he will say, simply put; "I dont know." Because he needs to know how he feels that day to see if he wants to go or not. So, I asked him if hes going to the dance and what does he say?
"I dont know."
This was right after my last class where I was walking him to his last period class, in which afterwards I go home. Being as vunerable to diaspointment as I was, and accidentally highering my hope, I felt like everything just stoped, but I was also thinking "Well. Okay. Yeah. Whatever." I would have simply walked off if he hadnt kissed me, in which I had no intention of kissing him, but reflexes had other things mind. What can I say? Simply put, im uber-sad, but willing to look for something to cheer me up.
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[10. 4. 05 // @ 1 : 57 pm] |
Have you ever felt, like everything is just completly pointless so why even both trying?
Me too.
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[10. 3. 05 // @ 9 : 13 pm] |
Finally, got to go to Josh's house. This makes Laura a very happy person. *nods*
Anddd... I suppose thats all for now, I actually didnt do much updating today. Kinda funny.
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[10. 3. 05 // @ 1 : 29 pm] |
I'm cleaning my room and such so that I can hopefully go to Josh's sometime later. Bryans grounded, sooo... I dont know. Nonsence.
P.S. I have a bad feeling about everything.
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[10. 2. 05 // @ 10 : 19 pm] |
Got home and was about to phone Josh, but I saw him online so I decided to IM him instead.
Einsamer Vampire: hey :D
DeathMonkey245: hey
Einsamer Vampire: whats up?
DeathMonkey245: goin to bed lol
DeathMonkey245: -hugs n kisses-
DeathMonkey245: luv ya
DeathMonkey245: goodnight
DeathMonkey245 signed off at 9:56:43 PM.
I forgot to ask him if he had an extra wallet I could have. >.< Oh well I'll ask him tomorrow, since I will be hopefully spending the whole afternoon with him. Possibly go to his house after we buy the bike stuff and fix it. OH! Actually my bike IS at his house. Hmm. Well we'll see how that works out.
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[10. 2. 05 // @ 1 : 16 pm] |
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Once upon a time, for a week, I went to Bryans house after school everday just to see Josh for an hour. Apperantly he didnt like me just randomnly showing up because it made him feel like he dint have a choice wether I came or not because, yeah, I just showed up. Monday, I'm going to Bryans house so we can go buy stuff for my bike, which needs major fixin. I casually mentioned it to Josh and said "just warning you now so you decide if you want me there or not" Hah. He didnt get it.
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[10. 2. 05 // @ 12 : 01 pm] |
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Of course, I am the last person to know what I'm talking about.
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[10. 2. 05 // @ 11 : 57 am] |
Josh's mom phoned. Josh's cell phone is lost and she was on the phone with the phone company who called all the people who had called Josh's cell phone so they could find his cell phone that way. No luck.
I'm not really good at phone conversations. Or conversartions at all for that matter, but I want Josh's mom and dad to like me. With his dad, I always try and think of something smart, witty, and funny at the same time. Cause thats what he does and it seams like its the conversations he likes. With his mom I'm not sure. I just kinda ramble on and, since we laugh alot, I think we get along pretty well. My voice sounded pretty weird i'm sure. I think I've gotten some kind of throat sickness.
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[10. 2. 05 // @ 11 : 35 am] |
Phoned Josh's mom. Wasnt sure what to say. I think what I got out was something along the lines of;
"Uhm... Hi Debbie, This is Laura. *pause* I think you called me earlier and I had been downstairs eating. I thought I heard my cell phone ringing, but I didnt know where it was at. *pause* I guess just give me a call back when you can. Bye."
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[10. 2. 05 // @ 11 : 30 am] |
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I thought I had heard my phones "meow-ing" ring tone, but I wasnt sure where it was at and I was eating at the time. It happend at 10:45, but I just remembered someone called so I looked and it had been Josh's mom. How odd, not sure if I should call back.. What do I say?
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[10. 2. 05 // @ 8 : 18 am] |
Ugh. Awake for church. I think I might fall asleep during my class.
One more hour... I could have sworn mom said there wasnt going to be any sunday school today, but I suppose that might have been a dream.
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[10. 1. 05 // @ 11 : 20 pm] |
I wonder what Josh is doing right now?
Maybe sleeping.
Why doesnt he draw for me anymore?
Shut up brain.
I miss a few things he use to do. Which, right now I cant think of anything else.
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[10. 1. 05 // @ 11 : 17 pm] |
Ugh. Writers block.
Your finger tips caress my skin
just like needles filled with poison
Your love fills the emptyness within
though sometimes I am blind
I only see myself and the pain
but then you smile, kiss my cheek
and I feel like dancing in the rain
I am the world I am the sun
I am a rodent, a beastly beast
With you im ugly with you im gorgeous
A measly toast or a kings feast
I am everything, but yet nothing
You make me strong you make me weak
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[10. 1. 05 // @ 11 : 15 pm] |
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Not before killing a million trees, I decided I really cant draw. Not even by looking at things anymore. Ugh. I'll leave the drawing to Josh and go back to writing.
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